By Diana Inguito, ETA ’20; Photo by Lulu Johnson, ETA ’20
6:30 AM:
“Diana, wake up. Come on, we’ve been over this a million times. Discipline!”
“This loud American is being too hard on you again. You can sleep in for 50 more minutes. You have time.”
*while yawning* “I’m going back to sl…”
I slowly drift back into my dream. One by one, Filipino food reappears in front of me. First, Chicken Adobo shows up. It is a dish marinated in soy sauce and vinegar and then sauteed with paprika, oregano, and garlic. Next Shrimp Sinigang appears. It is a sour and savory soup that is often associated with tamarind. Finally, I see Turon, a dessert made with bananas, dusted with brown sugar, and wrapped in a crispy spring roll wrap. The smell of savory, sour, and sweet fill the air, reminding me of home and the smiles and laughter on the faces of my loved ones.
7:20 AM:
“PUT THE CHICKEN DOWN! It’s time to wake up!”
*whining* “But I miss Filipino food! Korean food is always spicy and sweet. I want the sour and savoryyyyy.”
“I know. I know. But you need to get ready for work.”
Reluctantly, I remove my blanket. The cold morning air shocks my body. removing hints of slumber that remained.
My favorite part of my morning routine is eating breakfast. My host mom is a sweet fashionista who makes the best Korean dishes. Originally from Seoul, she chose to live in the countryside to keep her family away from the unhealthy societal pressures of the city. She wants them to pursue a life of happiness, and every day, she carries this motherly warmth that reminds me of my mom.
8:15 AM:
“OMG I smell egg and soy sauce. I hope 엄마 (eom-ma: mom) is making 계란밥 (gae-lan-bap: egg, rice, soy sauce, sesame oil, and sesame seeds)! Let’s pretend to fill up our water bottle and check.”
“Skip the passiveness! Just ask her directly!!”
“Similar to Filipino culture, we have to use our 눈치 (nunchi- ability to read the room or perceive the positive or negative energy in the room). Right now, you’re both under time pressure, so asking directly will scream, ‘Hurry up!’”
The smell of 계란밥 lures me into the kitchen while I tightly carry my water bottle in front of me. I greet my host mom a good morning, and she invites me to sit down for breakfast. My taste buds dance with delight, and 엄마 tells me that we will have dinner with her friend tonight. Afterwards, I head off to school.
8:25 AM:
*Sigh* “I wish my shoe cubby wasn’t in such an awkward place. It’s so embarrassing holding up the entire line just to switch into my indoor shoes. The weight of people’s stares haunt me everyday!”
“QR Code Diana. Take out your QR Code.”
“Oh right, I have to scan in.”
I walk up to my 교무실 (gyo-mu-shil: office). The 교무실 is big. There are about 40 of us in the office, so there is very little privacy or personal space. This also means that they can hear when my stomach is growling for food and see when I am on Netflix watching movies.
8:35 AM:
“Find the vice principal. Make sure you greet her first.”
“Okay.”
“Oh and don’t forget to greet the head of the English department. He’s such a kind man and treats you so well. Did you bring him the Filipino beer he really likes?”
“Yes, it’s in my bag.”
“Okay, be discreet when you give it to him. People are always watching, and we don’t want them to give the wrong impression.”
As soon as I walked in, I made eye contact with my vice principal and then my boss. I bow and then greet them good morning with a big smile and wave. Afterwards, I head out to teach my classes.
8:45 AM:
“Game! Game! Game! All they want to do is play games.”
“But it’s the 2-3 class. They’re always so good and engaged! It’s hard to say no.”
“But you played a game last class. You need to do the book lesson you prepared.”
“Hmmm… Okay, let’s compromise. Let them know that you will play a game if they finish their classwork early.”
My students keep me busy until lunchtime. I teach 22 classes a week and have around 280 students. My school asked me to focus on English speaking and listening, so I divide my lesson plans between book activities, games, and cultural lessons.
12:30 PM:
“Shoot it’s pork today! Aww I thought it would be Shrimp Katsu!”
“WAIT… Diana look! They prepared a separate meal for you! In the US, you would have had to bring your own lunch!”
“OMG My heart is so overwhelmed! They’re so kind… but now I also feel bad because I can’t express my gratitude enough.”
“Don’t worry Diana. If you can’t communicate it with words, you can do it with actions. Remember how Filipinos would give presents all the time? We can stop by the bakery tomorrow and grab some pastries to give to them.”
“Yeah, let’s do that!”
The lunch ladies made me fried mackerel. I enjoy eating my lunch, making sure to finish all of my food to show my appreciation. Then, I head back to teaching and lesson planning.
1:30 PM:
“For next week, I think you should create more vocabulary and speaking games.”
“Hmmm… but I also haven’t taught them a cultural lesson in a while. What have we covered so far?
“American High School, Fourth of July, Astrology, Tipping Culture in the US, and the Black Lives Matter Movement”
“Remember when they were shocked that most people tip 15-20% of their total bill?”
“YES! I remember one of the students saying, ‘Teacher, I no eat. I no tip money.’”
“HAHAHA Let’s do a cultural lesson. It’ll encourage the students to speak and utilize the vocabulary they know.”
“Okay! Halloween is coming up, so we can teach them about Halloween traditions.”
“Smart! Okay, should I get them candy corn to try?”
“Diana, you don’t even like candy corn.”
“Yeah, they taste like candles. But the students might like it! I think it’s worth letting them try it.”
“Okay, go check Coupang to get a better deal on candy corns.”
I slightly chuckle as I imagine my students saying “Trick or Treat” every time they want candy moving forward. I work in between my classes until 4:30 PM.
4:30 PM:
“Yay, it’s time to go home!”
“Make sure you say goodbye to the vice principal and your boss.”
“Oh right. Okay, give me a moment.”
I walk over to bow and say goodbye with another big smile and wave, and then I head home. The house is always empty until 8:00 PM, so until then, I let loose and enjoy my alone time by mindlessly scrolling through social media.
6:00 PM:
“So, who’s up for a jog?”
“Not me! Let’s stay in until dinner.”
“Oooh I want to jog.”
“No.”
“Yes. I’m sure we’ll have a big dinner, so let’s jog for a big appetite later.”
“Fine, let’s go. I never win this conversation.”
Bracing the crisp, cold air, I jog for an hour. During this time, I focus on my thoughts. I work to understand how they are making me feel and how my feelings affect my actions. In this way, I am more self aware and conscious of the effects of my thoughts, emotions, and actions.
7:30 PM:
“Alright everyone, be ready. I’m sure 엄마’s friend will have a lot of questions.”
“I hate this. I always feel like I disappoint Koreans when they find out that I am ethnically Filipino.”
“But you’re also American, and Koreans love us. We are seen as heroes who saved them from falling into the same fate as North Korea.“
“Yes, I am… But that’s not what they see. They see a Filipino woman in front of them. They look down on us… especially Filipino women. They see us as gold-diggers who move to Korea to marry a rich Korean.”
“I’m sorry. I know it’s extra tough on you, but we’ll explain to them that you have spent the majority of your life in the US. So you are just as American as you are Filipino.”
엄마’s friend walks in with an eager demeanor. As our eyes meet, her expression changes to one that most Koreans give when they find out that I am not white. Their eyebrows scrunch together, confused and disappointed that I don’t look like the typical American they see from the movies. My heart always sinks to the bottom of my stomach. I have worked so hard to love my Filipino identity and be proud of it. Growing up, I always rejected my roots. I wanted to be more American, but now, I am proud of my Filipino identity. Thus Koreans’ reactions to my dual identity makes me feel like I should somewhat be ashamed of being an immigrant, but deep down inside, I know that this is my source of strength.
“Guys, what is this?”
“I think it’s Korean pears at the bottom and seasoned raw beef at the top.”
“Interesting… so this raw beef thing should work like a rare steak right?”
“I think so… Well we definitely have to try the food. It’ll be embarrassing for 엄마 if we reject it.”
Using my chopsticks, I grab a thin slice of meat and a thin slice of Korean pear. I hold my breath as I put the food in my mouth and prepare for the worst.
“Wow, that’s actually pretty good! The subtle sweetness of the Korean pear compliments the savory taste of the beef.”
“Still kiiiiinda weird, but I like it too!”
I finish eating dinner and relax for the rest of the night.
8:15 PM:
As I get ready for bed, the disappointed expression of 엄마’s friend lingers in my mind. I tell myself to let it go, but it’s not enough.
“YAYYYYY BEDTIME!”
“Wait! Can we talk?”
“Boooo!”
“I need help processing something that’s bothering me.”
“Oh. Sorry. Okay let’s talk.”
“So I can’t get the disappointed expression of 엄마’s friend out of my head. I feel judged though I didn’t do anything to her.”
“Do you feel hurt?”
“I think so, but I can’t let myself believe that.”
“Diana, I know you’re always trying to be strong, but it’s okay to not be okay at times.”
“But it’s such a small thing, how can I let it get to me?”
“It’s not a small thing. It’s a wound that has been healing from your past traumas. You became insecure about your Filipino identity because I came along when you moved to the U.S. I made you unsure about yourself. I hurt you. And I’m so so sorry. 엄마’s friend resurfaced the hurt you felt.”
Tears start to slowly escape my eyes. I begin to relive the times that I felt so frustrated because I couldn’t speak English and communicate with my teachers, the times that I felt so embarrassed to bring Filipino food to school, and the times that I felt inferior for not knowing pop-culture references.
“It’s okay Diana. Let it all out. It’s part of the healing process.”
“I’m so sorry. I’m a mess right now.”
“No need for apologies. We’re in this together!”
I take deep breaths. Each breath releases tension and heaviness from my chest.
“I don’t want to end the day on a bad note.”
“Okay, let’s count all our blessings then!”
“I am grateful for 엄마. She is the best host mom we could have gotten.”
“I am grateful for our students. They are so polite and loving.”
“I am grateful for the Fulbright community and the strong relationships we have cultivated.”
“Oh yes, we are very grateful for that.”
“I am grateful for the opportunity to travel, learn, and grow.”
I meditate on my gratitude and each one uplifts my spirit and gives me a sense of peace.
“Diana, we have done well living here in Korea. Although we’ve had rough patches, we have felt very safe, comfortable, and welcomed here. I think if we focus on that, the rest of our time here will continue to be filled with happy memories.”
“I agree, so let’s make the most out of the rest of our time here! Fighting!
“Fighting!”
“Fighting!”